Aug 23, 2012

What Hit Me

It's been too long since my last post and I've been wanting to blog so I can vent out all the emotional baggage I had for the past 2 weeks almost.

Wow, it has only been 2 weeks but it felt like the longest time of anticipation and anxiety.

2 Sundays ago, Sophia had a high fever around 39C, I know that fever is caused by infection and when I saw her swollen gums I was sure that she was just teething and the last 4 molars erupting is causing the fever.

Monday and Tuesday she was so weak and no Paracetamol helped lower the fever. She just wants me to hug her all the time and complained that her limbs and joints hurt. Her eyes are bit swollen, I think from crying and being so whiny all the time. She must be really tired because all she wants to do is sleep. When she woke up, she's complaining that her eyes stings and hurt. Her lips are cracked. Again, due to High Fever.

Wednesday. She was a bit energetic, and already asked for food. Temperature still the same. Eyes more puffed, Gums are generally really swollen. But in my assessment she was getting better because appetite is back and she's in her usual playful self. So I went to work expecting her to be better when I come home. That night, although fever has become 38C but her eyes are really puffed more puffed before I left her this morning.  I was getting worried. Really worried.

Thursday. Hubby and I took her for dengue test complying her Pedia's request. I was sure she's free from Dengue and it's something else.

The dengue test came in POSITIVE. And what's more is that the test showed she already had Dengue prior to this. WHEN? I don't know. It was really horrifying for me. I was fighting with my subconscious the whole time blaming myself. Hubby didn't bring it up, but I was ashamed of myself for being so lax, he was insisting of having lab works for Sophia but I constantly brush the idea away because I was sure it was only teething. And the main reason I didn't agree, because I don't want to subject my dear daughter to such painful needleworks when I know she's only teething. IS SHE?....  How can I be stupid and so close minded.



DENGUE?!? Where did she get it? Maybe from our out of town trips the couple of weeks. Maybe from school. Maybe from home?...  I was in such denial and look what happened to her. I feel my intestine twisting inside me, makes me wanna vomit from all this mix emotions. I couldn't cry but I sure wanted to. I just said a silent prayer to God to give me and hubby strength and more to protect Sophia and keep her away from danger. I cradle her, kissed and hug her saying how sorry I am for misjudging and asking her to be strong.

She was hospitalized for 4 days. It was the longest 4 days of my life. I don't know how many hours I've slept, I was awake most of the time not wanting to take my eyes of her. She had blood extraction 2x a day because we had to monitor her platelets, some extraction wasn't really very pleasant the kind that makes you wanna slap the medtech's face but I know it's not really their fault, the lowest she had was 81,000 and when that result was relayed to us. That's the time I can't control myself from sobbing. I don't remember myself being that scared.

Now, she is well. Lost few pounds, but I couldn't be more happier now that she's ok. I bought lots of off lotions already. I've researched about dengue and mosquito, and how to keep them away from my loved ones.

I thank God for keeping Sophia safe. I thank God for my family, my mom, dad and 2 brothers for being there to support us 100% all the time. My aunts and cousins and to my dear friends who loves Sophia so much. Without them, I know I shattered to pieces. Thank you again for the encouragement and for keeping me sane during those moments.

What happened to Sophia, I wouldn't wish it for anyone and for any mother . Let's all be safe and healthy.


PhoebeCarla 

26 comments:

Jhari said...

Don't blame yourself sis. Sometimes we learn the hard day. No one expected it to happen. Ganyan rin ako minsan. Kala ko teething lang, 3 days of fever. 4th day no fever. Then on the 5th day biglang sulpot Roseola na pala. Kung baga unexpected talaga mga ganyang pangyayari.

For now, take a good rest din and recover from stress. Hope ur daughter will regain her lost weight. Hang in there sis.

Visiting from CE Aug21.

Allan said...

Good that Sophia is alright now. I also experienced having dengue but I was not hospitalized since my platelet is near the normal range.
-daddy allan (visit from BCB)

jellybelly said...

I can imagine what you went through. We try to do our best but these things happen. I've gone through the same thing this week. For my daughter it was pneumonia and asthma.

Dominique@Dominique's Desk said...

Glad to hear that your little girl is well again. It must have been really nerve wreaking for you.

GeriLen Elinessete said...

yan din knakatakot q sa newborn q... :( good thing ok na xa. stay safe!

Olga said...

Hugs, dear... Don't be too hard on yourself and just let it be a learning experience. All is well now. Sophia has recovered and won't even blame you for what happened to her.

Khimbyrlee Eerlrybmihk said...

I've been there. And the most painful thing to me is that I celebrated my birthday at the hospital, no cakes, no gifts, no visitors. Don't worry just let her drink apple juice and water. Don't panic too much just like my mother did. Just have faith in God.

aby ♥ said...

good thing she's alright! be careful always! :)

January said...

glad to hear your girl is alright. My son's yaya and our helper had dengue last week. I am thankful that my son, my husband and I did not get it. I was so worried sick not only for the two people you are living with us but also for our safety especially my 1 year old son..

anne lei said...

Thank God, she is back to health. My hubby had a dengue when he was young so was my cousins. All of them survived that.

Ms. Journ said...

poor baby... good to know she survived... dengue is very dangerous pag di naagapan...

Ron Leyba said...

Let us all be extra careful. It's rainy season already so we need to protect ourselves and our loved ones from those dreaded mosquitos.

Jhenz Balatico said...

Tsss.. Clean and take care.. yun dapat gawin.. good thing your girl is okay,, I am sick for 4 days na.. having a body temp of 39 pero wala naman rashes siguro hindi naman to dengue..

Rochelle O. said...

Aww dengue is frequent this season, good thing your little one is okay now thank God! Keep safe!

kat said...

Oh my! Glad to know she is okay now. Good to know you are already taking precaution. Better safe than sorry, they say.

Marielle Faye Garcia said...

I am glad to hear your little girl is finally okay. I understand how scared you may be, I know I will be if it happened to my BabyLove. It's natural for us to be scared and blame ourself.. But, always stay strong.. At least for her. :)

Gaylee said...

My eldest son had dengue last December which I came to know when we rushed him to the hospital 5 minutes before the noche buena. One of my darkest moment as a mom that I pray wouldn't happen again. Glad Baby Sophia is all okay now.

Farida said...

I pray and hope that she recuperates well from dengue. Maybe you can also buy mosquito repellent sis which will help in the future? Take care!

Lady Spring said...

I'm so sorry your family had to suffer like this. I don't know what to say really. I'm not yet a mother. But I'm sure your daughter doesn't blame you so don't blame yourself. One of my earliest memory was an image of my Mom crying on my bedside one time I had a really high fever. Your daughter will remember a mother who loves her.

Stay strong Lalah :)

Gelo Basilio said...

It's good to know that she's doing ok now.

krizza said...

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to Sophia. glad that she's okay now. I understand how u feel. The most painful experience for a Mom like us is to see our children suffering. Glad that all is well now. God Bless. :)

Filman Santiago said...

In cases such as this, we parents should always remember to see the doctor first. But I know, when we already in the situation, we usually tend to forget. My wife and I are like this at times.

Good to know that she's okay now.

Paula said...

Sis, don't blame yourself. Ako rin I don't rush my kids to the doctor when they have fever to save them from unnecessary lab tests.
Im glad she's okay now. Kids are resilient. :)

Mommy Maye said...

Aww. Thank God your daughter is safe now. It's really scary and it's just normal to blame our self being the mother. I am always sensitive with my son's body temperature. I freak out when it is even above 37 C. But like you I don't bring him agad agad to his doctor. So don't blame yourself much sis. :)

Itin Bique Calvo said...

Dengue has always been scary and is getting scarier cuz the no. of victims increase each year. Here in Cebu, Tisa is notorious. Have lived there for a year but I guess dengue couldnt find me as I didn't go out and mingle much. Glad to know your kid is fine.

ae mi lee said...

My little brother just got out of the hospital din because of Dengue. Dengue's really scary. I freaked out when his result came out positive. Aside from the fact he's my little brother, and that I'm worried about him, my daughter's always with him, and she even had fever prior him. I really insisted she gets lab tests again just to be sure. And even after results came in negative, the two times she experienced nosebleed, I insisted she gets lab tests for the nth time. My aunt even said it feels like I was hoping for her to be positive for Dengue, when I'm just really being vigilant. Anyway, I'm really glad your daughter's fine now.

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