It's been too long since my last post and I've been wanting to blog so I can vent out all the emotional baggage I had for the past 2 weeks almost.
Wow, it has only been 2 weeks but it felt like the longest time of anticipation and anxiety.
2 Sundays ago, Sophia had a high fever around 39C, I know that fever is caused by infection and when I saw her swollen gums I was sure that she was just teething and the last 4 molars erupting is causing the fever.
Monday and Tuesday she was so weak and no Paracetamol helped lower the fever. She just wants me to hug her all the time and complained that her limbs and joints hurt. Her eyes are bit swollen, I think from crying and being so whiny all the time. She must be really tired because all she wants to do is sleep. When she woke up, she's complaining that her eyes stings and hurt. Her lips are cracked. Again, due to High Fever.
Wednesday. She was a bit energetic, and already asked for food. Temperature still the same. Eyes more puffed, Gums are generally really swollen. But in my assessment she was getting better because appetite is back and she's in her usual playful self. So I went to work expecting her to be better when I come home. That night, although fever has become 38C but her eyes are really puffed more puffed before I left her this morning. I was getting worried. Really worried.
Thursday. Hubby and I took her for dengue test complying her Pedia's request. I was sure she's free from Dengue and it's something else.
The dengue test came in POSITIVE. And what's more is that the test showed she already had Dengue prior to this. WHEN? I don't know. It was really horrifying for me. I was fighting with my subconscious the whole time blaming myself. Hubby didn't bring it up, but I was ashamed of myself for being so lax, he was insisting of having lab works for Sophia but I constantly brush the idea away because I was sure it was only teething. And the main reason I didn't agree, because I don't want to subject my dear daughter to such painful needleworks when I know she's only teething. IS SHE?.... How can I be stupid and so close minded.
DENGUE?!? Where did she get it? Maybe from our out of town trips the couple of weeks. Maybe from school. Maybe from home?... I was in such denial and look what happened to her. I feel my intestine twisting inside me, makes me wanna vomit from all this mix emotions. I couldn't cry but I sure wanted to. I just said a silent prayer to God to give me and hubby strength and more to protect Sophia and keep her away from danger. I cradle her, kissed and hug her saying how sorry I am for misjudging and asking her to be strong.
She was hospitalized for 4 days. It was the longest 4 days of my life. I don't know how many hours I've slept, I was awake most of the time not wanting to take my eyes of her. She had blood extraction 2x a day because we had to monitor her platelets, some extraction wasn't really very pleasant the kind that makes you wanna slap the medtech's face but I know it's not really their fault, the lowest she had was 81,000 and when that result was relayed to us. That's the time I can't control myself from sobbing. I don't remember myself being that scared.
Now, she is well. Lost few pounds, but I couldn't be more happier now that she's ok. I bought lots of off lotions already. I've researched about dengue and mosquito, and how to keep them away from my loved ones.
I thank God for keeping Sophia safe. I thank God for my family, my mom, dad and 2 brothers for being there to support us 100% all the time. My aunts and cousins and to my dear friends who loves Sophia so much. Without them, I know I shattered to pieces. Thank you again for the encouragement and for keeping me sane during those moments.
What happened to Sophia, I wouldn't wish it for anyone and for any mother . Let's all be safe and healthy.